Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Slag Valley Bullett #17

Rouboutte Gullimann Destroyed!

By Semper Excreedius (acting Editor)
Following it's attempted desecration and subsequent relocation Slag Valley Bullett #14 The Emperor's Thumb was once again the focus of a conflict, this time loyal guardsmen from the Krablokistan 47th and 420th Suhnnydayl Shithawks battled what at first seemed to be Ultramarines led by their famous Primarch. Despite seemingly attacking one of the Imperium's greatest heroes, the Astra Militarum followed their orders and defeated the Ultramarine force intent on capturing 'The Emperor's Thumb'. During the exchange what was at first believed to be Rouboute Gullimann was killed by sustained battlecannon fire. After the battle it was accertained that it was not Gullimann but a cybernetic replicant of the Primarch and by that reasoning the Ultramarines were renegades intent on theft. Commander Ursakar Creed who was leading the 420th stated "The foul copy of our glorious Primarch is decommissioned! Long live the 420th! Cadia stands! Go on ya good ting!".


The Cloud of smoke denotes a non human aspect of Gullimann.

Monday, October 2, 2017

Slag Valley Bullett #16

Two Separate Xenos Invasions Thwarted!

By Spatch Puberty
In what seemed like a conspiracy of xenos evil two alien forces attacked a garrison on sleepy backwater planet Killa La' Neck in the Cyavunnh system twice in the one lunar cycle! The Krablokistan 47th infantry regiment aided by the Krablokistan 27th motorised armour division defeated a force of Tau shortly before being assailed by Tyranids. Many guardsmen were severely injured during the first attack but in what is a customary show of grit and endurance, the entire force managed to make it back into the field as soon as the second xenos force arrived. Thankfully, the Imperium's not-quite-finest won the day putting many alien life forms into a more passive state.


The brave soldiers of The Krablokistan 47th regiment battle foul xenos.


Friday, June 16, 2017

Slag Valley Bullett #15

Custody Battle 

Written By Cuckold Stranglethorpe IV
A small criminal processing tower was the scene of a bloody skirmish as xenos, aided and abetted by heretics attempted to free a  human member of The Greater Profit - alien 'traders' who have been thwarting the governance of this sector recently. Members of Jenna's Jokers, a local Inquisition Cell who never seem to be out of the news of late were guarding a prisoner when stealthy xenos scum attacked them from close range injuring three of them very quickly. The timely arrival of the rest of the Jokers prevented unspeakable alien rituals being carried out on the fallen heroes and managed to inflict damage on the attackers. The aliens managed to free their traitorous companion but were forced to flee due to the resolve of Interrogator Pursuivant's warband. 


Sadly the security camera skulls were set to 'blurry aged sepia tones', making identification of these xenos loving heretics virtually impossible.


Sunday, April 9, 2017

Slag Valley Bullett #14

Vandals Expurged!

By Aurelia Charga
A group of anarchists, heretics or disgruntled imperial employees had to be restrained from vandalising 'The Emperor's Thumb', a semi popular object d'art situated by the civic centre in Fornication Gulch. Interrogator Jenna Pursuivant and members of Jenna's Jokers were at hand to stop the miscreants. Approximately 10 humans advanced towards the piece armed with guns and rudimentary defaecation devices. The Jokers, ever champions of the people engaged them using extreme prejudice. It is rumored that Spaz, a member of the Joker's died in the skirmish and several of the vandals were injured. Interrogator Pursuivant was not available to confirm or deny the fate of Spaz, as the warband had pressing business further uphive. Local walkway attendant, Gluesome Feng stated; "Some cackling maniacs capered towards the Thumb and before you know it them Jokers start blasting away at them. We get a lot of nutters round here since they put it up. It's the Adeptus Sanitorum lads I feel sorry for. They have to clean up the blood and cack and whatnot!".  


Two members of Jenna's Jokers protecting public property.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Slag Valley Bullett #13

Rebellion On Trotskigrad Quelled

By Pastor Pyranium Devout
The righteous population on the Imperial planet of Trotskigrad showed their devotion and loyalty when seditious rebels declared the planet separate from the Imperium and the Ecclesiarchy. The attempted coup was initially successful when the rebels (aided by off world military forces - possibly renegade Astartes) took control of the Imperial Governors palace, executing him and thousands of his staff and household troops. The now leaderless defence forces were facing annihilation but for the mobilization of some of the mining militia from the Diamondfields area to the south of the planet's capital Guevarraville. Aided by workers collectives and labour unions from the surrounding area many thousands of untrained but brave citizens took on the invaders.A savage pitched battle was fought with the fate of the planet at stake. Eventually the grit and bravery and the Emperor's blessing defeated the perfidious enemies of mankind. Hundreds were slain in the central plaza area of Guevarraville. The militia managed to commandeer a squadron of Leman Russ tanks to aid them against the rebels. It is believed that the off world allies contained huge dreadnaughtia and heavily armoured troops. Sadly the defeat of the rebels led to the destruction of most of what remained of the Planetary Defense Force. The loss of life around the plaza was severe but the rebels are believed to be wiped out and the handful of surviving renegades fled from Trotskigrad.


Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Slag Valley Bullett #12

Eldar Pirates attack!

By Aurelia Charga
The crew of the Folkvangr were attacked by pirates as they were going about their lawful business upon the Necromundan orbital auto trade facility recently. A vicious firefight ensued where several members of the crew were injured, including one fatality. Many of the Eldar pirates are thought to have been wounded in the exchange. It is thought the Folkvangr and it's cargo remained intact. There are growing concerns over the safety of these types of  facilities as their tolerance for xenos traders has lead to the call to expurge these establishments and return the trading to the Hives. 


The Navigator of the Folkvangr sees her Eldar enemy!
Faragi Moron chairman of U.K.I.P. (Underhive Knights Immolating the Proscribed) has gone on record to state that he is willing to send up some of his followers to the orbital facility to help out with security for "a small fee". Headcrusher, leader of The Sons Of Slagarthy has also declared his interest in "protecting mankind from the predations of filthy xenos scum!". The fate of the facility now hangs in the balance.

+++Barter Not The Lies Of Unscrupulous Traders+++

Friday, October 28, 2016

Slag Valley Bullett #11

Rogue Trader Attacked!

By Aurelia Charga

Once again, honest Imperial servants have been attacked by Xenos. This time it was the crew of the Fólkvangr, a Rogue Trader vessel  Their assailants were of alien origin but it remains vague who they were. The attack occurred in a remote auto loading bay while Fólkvangr was refuelling. Luckily the crew were on hostile environment drill (a common occurrence on Necromundan facilities) and we're prepared for unwanted incursions. It is believed the attack was opportunistic in nature and not premeditated. Cornelia Drachmann, captain of the Fólkvangr said "we were set upon by filthy xenon scum, shooting at us with abandon! It is my belief they were Genestealer in origin. One of them got in amongst us and took down two of my crew. Luckily we mobbed the beast and left it lying in a pool of its own ichor!". Drachmann went on to state "we were coming under heavy fire so we retreated to the ship". An Adeptus Sanitorum crew swept the area but found no evidence of the aliens. Interrogator Jenna Pursuivant who had only returned from a mission in the lower hive went on record to state she believed her mission was a distraction. The true motives of the aliens remain a disturbing puzzle. One thing is for certain, there are Imperium hating alien scum loose somewhere in Hive Primus and all citizens are advised to use extreme prejudice when dealing with non humans.

++Shoot First and let the Xenos be afraid+++