Sunday, July 20, 2014

Slag Valley Bullett #4

Redemptionists Targeted!

By Ricco Chunk
The Redemptionist group known as The Human Torches twice found themselves on the wrong side of concerned religious equality groups recently, both times resulting in violence.  The Clobs made their feelings known after waiting to discus the merits of religious diversity, which quickly deteriorated into a gun battle where The Clobs were victorious. Several members of each group were injured, but none were thought to be life threatening. 
Later on that week The Sons of Slagarchy were also involved in an altercation with the Torches as they made their way to the newly refurbished gallows in the centre of Scourgefields, which resulted in the deaths of two members of the Goliath gang. Headcrusher, the spokesman & leader of the Sons has been quoted saying "Every time I go near them bastards, I lose good men! Slasher & Flailer are now rat bait all because someone's gob couldn't keep shut long enough to spring our trap." he then went on to state that "If I find out which sump brained moron started singing to alert them Torches, was Reginald. Crap.".

Security Cam Footage

"It is unlikely that there will be any Guilder sanctions on either gang as Redemptionists are by & large a menace to honest hive folk. If anything, we should give them medals!" Pukkle Manx, bookman for guilder Kloss Stunkole was overheard stating yesterday.

Evil Amongst Us!

By Chagg Munsk
Reports of battles in the badlands generally don't cause much of a fuss here in Slag Valley but there is some worrying news from our reporter in the wastes - Informant X. The scavvy clan of Tomb Dog has made an unwelcome return from wherever they have been skulking and to make matters worse they have been attacked by some Spyrers that had just arrived from uphive. It is thought that the young nobles decided it would be entertaining to run through the scavvy camp screaming amplified battle cries as they set about the miserable creatures. After a brief skirmish the Spyrers are thought to have slipped away leaving five injured mutants in their wake. The Spyrers didn't have it all there own way as two of their own were wounded. Regardless of who won this particular combat, the news that both these groups could soon be targeting our fine upstanding citizens is worrying indeed. 

Tomb Dog & his clan

As can be seen from the security archive image of the Tomb Doggers raiding a slime farm, there is plenty of scavvys in the clan ready to attack!

House of Iron Flattened! Twice!

By Skotk Jagerbloom
The Death's Heads, a group of concerned citizens were recently accosted by a group of escaped pit slaves and renegades known as Bruce Mechanwillis . What that means, is unknown but anarchy & lawlessness are two possibilities. The Death's Heads were performing their civic duties clearing Dome 2326XP34 when they came under fire from the group of newly escaped psychopaths. Death's Head, leader of the gang stated that the guns of all of his followers had been tampered with as it "was the only reason why we couldn't hit them metal creeps". Rumours that House Delaque agents have infiltrated and sabotaged the Orlocks armoury are rife.
Several day cycles later a smaller group of the Death's Heads stumbled upon the Tomb Doggers camp, engaging them in an attempt to drive them away from the area. It is thought that once again sabotage, this time in the form of drugged gang members, explained how two close combat equipped gang members were soundly thrashed by Chickenlegs, wife and mother of Tomb Dog himself. It is thought that the suddenness of the Orlock attack meant that Chickenlegs didn't have time to clothe herself before she was set upon by bloodthirsty gangers. Headcrusher, spokesman and leader for the Sons of Slagarchy has been quoted as saying the Death's Heads "are barely able to defeat half fed muties with their scraggly tits out!". The saga of the Orlock gang continues.

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Security operatives required. Some danger. Contact Silipetto Tong, The Headless Beggar drinking establishment. No Esher.

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