Friday, September 4, 2015

Slag Valley Bullett #6

Recruitment Drive

By Pastor Pyranium Devout 
Leaked requisition documentaria have surfaced that state that Lord Helmawr has been given the task of raising a regiment from Hive Primus to aid in the passification of several newly discovered habitable systems in the region near the Glock System where the Necromundan 819th regiment are stationed (Slag Valley Bullett issue #2). This honour will mean that many of our hives brave young individuals will soon be donning the raiment of Imperial Guardsmen and fighting filthy xenos scum and mutants in the name of the Emperor of Mankind. The office recruitorium has requisitioned Cunkey Stabler's large home over in the Drydocks area of Fornication Gulch. Those wishing to do their Imperial duty can join up there. Heretics and mutants need not apply.

Training Patrol Ambushed!

By Aurelis Charga
A small group of PDF reservists were attacked leaving a single survivor. The group were performing a live ammunition urban pacification drill when they were set upon by unknown assailants in the Killa Lanneck settlement. Technologically advanced equipment was used to obscure the ambushers until it was too late for the brave volunteers to escape. Patrol leader (and lone survivor) Grigiree Sneck has been overheard saying that inferior weaponry made locating and targeting the enemy virtually impossible. When I approached a spokesman for the reservists to obtain an interview with Mr Sneck I was told he is on administrative leave and is unavailable for comment.

New Bloodbowl Season Starts.

By Dag Uterous; Sports Editor
 The latest Bloodbowl season has begun with the newly formed Hochland Hunters defeating The Coffin Dodgers 3 - 1 in a challenge match to publicise the start of the new season. Controversy surrounded the result as the bookies had the Coffin dodgers as firm favourites. Some Dodgers fans have claimed several key players had been temporarily mind wiped by Wyrds in the crowd. Time wasting and dirty tactics were denied by coaching staff from the Hunters. Alecks Furgursin, a  Dodgers coach fan said that the grey team uniform of the Hochland team had an unsettling effect on their opponents, "it's like my players couldn't see their opponents". I will be lodging a formal complaint with the Nuffle commissioner.

The Hochland Hunters at the start of a sucessful drive.

Scavvy Race Relations

By Ricco Chunk
Despite recent clashes with locals Skikk Bloodblisters spokesman for the newly formed Scavvy Publicity Appreciation Team or S.P.A.T. has called for closer ties with Scavvys who are "basically good natured but misundestood". He is calling for a rescinding of anti cannibalism laws and an all out ban on bounties for Scavvy heads. It is unlikely these requests will be accepted by the local populace without a lot of good publicity on behalf of the Scavvy side.

More Industrial Espionage?

By Cucold Stranglethorpe IV
The upper sections of the Killa Laneck factorium complex once more rang with the sounds of gunfire. Honest workers were forced to flee when two groups of armed individuals converged on the central records depositaria situated in sector 12. Both groups were well armed and seemed to have been intent on a small building east of the main depositaria. Gasellobi Spleen - an eyewitness is quoted as saying "Some figures in HAZMAT suits - at first I thought they were Adeptus Sanitarium workers clashed with some pasty looking people who seemed to be wearing funny shaped masks. Bullets were zipping around so I stopped my multi-lathe and hid under the bench. ". Spleen continues "The HAZMAT guys shoot up all the masked weirdos then disappeared just before the Enforcers arrived". It is not clear at this time whom either group were or what the motives behind the clash is. Several bodies were removed from the scene for forensic analysis.

The assailants seemed to have image blocking software.

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