Friday, October 16, 2015

Slag Valley Bullett #7

Adeptus Propagandaria Quarterly

By Aurelis Charga
Jolamn Ghites media mogul and entrepreneur has announced that his military journal is joining in a syndication contract with some of the most popular publications from several independent journalist periodicals and we at Slag Valley Bullett are pleased to announce we have been shortlisted for consideration. Providing there are no legal issues, the Slag Valley Bullett will be available to other hives and beyond!    

Xenos Trade Delegation Storm

By Cuckold Stranglethorpe IV
Lord Helmawr has announced that he has taken the unprecedented step of allowing Xenos in the upper hive. Tohaa, a humanoid species have been granted an embassy within Hive Primus for the purposes of trade and mutual technological advancement. Critics have warned that this is the thin end of the wedge and Orks and worse will soon be wandering around the hive. Guslag Chilcrotch official spokesman for Lord Helmawr has stated that the isolationist behavior of Terran trade decisions have forced his hand if he wishes to continue the prosperity of his beloved Necromunda.

Artist's impression of Xenos Tohaa

Underhive Cup Trophy Fiasco

Polac Greis : business editor
The future of the Lord of the Spire competition is now in doubt due to a catastrophic servitor failure in the ordering of the latest trophy. It is thought Blueprint Servitor #106589 was either deliberately interfered with during the design phase or it suffered a calculation rune breakdown. It seems instead of the new trophy being 40cm tall it is in fact 40M instead. The first the event's organisers knew was when the trophy arrived at the Megaterrific Competitions Dynamic (or more commonly MCD) office on the back of a heavy duty grav hauler. Ms Sloozi Mell was the employee who received the delivery. She stated "When the delivery man asked where he was to deploy the trophy I asked him to bring it into the reception. He then told me it wouldn't fit, as it is actually bigger than our office!". She went on "It's actually left out in the street as we have nowhere to store it. I just hope some of the local juves don't start graffittizing it!".  The organisers are now in dispute with Ionizer Collectables - a subsiduary of Gamma Corp- regarding payment. Law savants for MCD are stating that a 40M trophy is the sort of order that should have been confirmed whereas IC's legal team quote T & C's that all orders are legally binding. The dispute looks likely to continue for the foreseeable future.

Two armed guards protect the trophy

Muggers Mugged

By Dag Uterous; Sports Editor
The Hochland Hunters have been once again victorious after a thrilling 2-1 win against the Magheracloone Muggers. In a game filled with last minute touchdown saving tackles it was the Hunters who prevailed as both defenses prevented any scores in the second half. Henrick Sprut ran in two TD's in the first half to give the Hunters a lead some confusion surrounds the scorer of the Muggers as there was team sheet given to the match officials. despite this breach of match protocols the result stands.  

Images from Servo Skull Cam

Wyrstorms Win, Dodgers Losing Streak Continues

By Bespoke Kitchens
The Mordheim Wyrdstorms eased past the Coffin Dodgers 3-2 in a tense affair at Clob Stadium last night much to the disappointment of a large number of Dodger fans who made the trip from the Badlands. A vital 1st half interception from the Wyrdstorms kept them in control and the subsequent touchdown meant it would be an uphill struggle for the Dodgers. Despite finishing the game with only 9 players on the pitch, the Wyrdstorms have no new injury problems. The pressure is now mounting on the Dodgers coach as the team are 0 - 2 in their opening games.

Classified Ads

For sale. Fine collection of antique Martyr's bones, job lot, keen price. Contact Lardo Gasfelt, Peg Elbow Row, Scourgefields.


The Bloodbowl Referee's Association President Blug Myopia, is saddened to announce the passing of Chenglen 'Blind' Misk, 49 following complications after a pitch invasion during a game between the The Coffin Dodgers and The Mordheim Wyrdstorms.  Sadly Misk was only 2 weeks away from retirement. Witnesses report that Misk's last words were "I'm getting too old for this shit!". He will be missed.

Situation Vacant

Wanted:  Bloodbowl referee. Must own whistle. Knowledge of game rules not essential. Partial vision an advantage. Contact B. Myopia, Five Tooth Boulevard, Slag Valley.

Wanted: Experienced warehouse operatives required for hostile pest eradication. Must own gun. Ammunition supplied. Contact L. Nug, Horseweevil Street, Rat Warren.

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