Staff here at The Slag Valley Bullett have been informed that the newsslate in it's current format is to be expurged. In an attempt to create a new more vibrant readership a new strategic plan is being forged by attracting more readers by publishing articles from other periodicals from Gholam Jhites media empire. Newer more vibrant advertisers are also being sought out. The management team here at Slag Valley vow that the quality of our reporting will remain high and that we will not be printing salacious articles for the titillation of the masses. In further news here at SVB are delighted to have purchased a motivation servitor to add a little of the Emperors wisdom to our articles. Welcome to MS56784/877#Q, long may he enthuse!
Buxtone Crebstalker, Editor.
Mutants Run Amok!
Syndicated by The Wheatmaker's News, Argle City, Nora
Written by Sput Tramsig
|An image of the alarming mutant.|
+++++Martyrdom is it's own reward++++
By Pastor Pyranium DevoutInfamous slaver Gaspod Cursse and his band of scavvy henchmen have once again been seen, this time skulking around Jubilation Quarry last week. It is thought they are looking for fresh victims. Enforcer sources have stated that extra patrols will be mounted but the best defence is avoiding the area completely. Local juve rehabilitation organisers are openly critical of this advice as "cooping juves up could lead to even bigger problems".
|Hasbro Narkie's place of business|
++++An idle youth serves the heretic++++
By Aurelis ChargaA warehouse belonging to a wealthy Slazenger trading consortium was the scene of a break in and gunfight between what was rumoured to be Imperial agents and members of an as yet unnamed Noble house security team with ties to Slazenger. It is unclear whether the Imperial agents were acting on the orders of superiors, or 'freelancing'. Local Adeptus Sanitarium worker Gaxwell Shart was interviewed near the scene. He said "There was a fair bit of blood inside the storage facility. Seems there was quite a bit of a set to in there! I got the stink of abhuman in there too. ". Shart, an ex Imperial Guardsman with over 20 years experience fighting the enemies of mankind was openly dismissive of the raid. "It was obviously mounted by amateurs judging by the amount of spent shell casings, needlessly wasteful shooting. It wouldn't have happened in my day! Imperial doctrine. Shoot once, bayonet twice!".
++++Question not the servants of the Emperor++++
Ambushed At Syzlak's
By Ricco Chunk.
|Image by Cheapcam|
the hive at all. A spokesperson for the United Knights Immolating the Proscribed, or UKIP, Faragi Moron, has called for a designated anti alien taskforce to be permanently stationed here. He has also called for the expulsion (or preferrably the execution) of all non human residents on Necromunda. Critics of Moron say he has made a fortune in Throne Geld through the exploitation of the ignorant. There are even persistent rumours that he has a harem of Xenos pleasure pods.
++++Bury the Xenos, his words are false++++
Coffin Dodgers Win One At Last!
By Dag Uterous; Sports Editor
|The dodgers on a sucessful drive.|
++++Recreation is the breeding ground of sloth++++
Would you like you Imperial Tarot read? Mistress Serendipitous is offering a full divination at very reasonable rates. Contact Derp Spiv, Five Exits Plaza, Choker's Dome.
Jenna Persuivant is saddened to announce the passing of Acolyte Ensign 23, and Acolyte Shawty 32. Both died in the service of the Emperor against perfidious enemies of mankind. They will be avenged.