Slag Valley Bullett #19

Mass Prison Breakout

By Spatch Puberty

Warrior Woman,Ox Fingers,Rocket Girl,Hero & Wheels.

Animal, Schaeffer, Shiv. Demolition Man, Brains & Scope.

 Military personnel have escaped from the infamous Niem Vat military prison raising embarrassing questions within the Planetary Defense Force leadership. A source close to the PDF office has stated that "At 19:72 hours a crack commando unit was sent to prison for a crime they claim they didn't commit. These men (and women) promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade and are believed to have reached the Lost Angles underground sewage network". The group were incarcerated for a variety of crimes from property damage to willfully discharging live ammunition at  targets feet. Incorrect stowing of Departmentum equipment has also been mentioned. The group all use pseudonyms all bar their leader Colonel Hannibal Schaeffer. The group is thought to be armed and extremely dangerous. The group is thought to have received assistance from the an unknown source. A statement from a Planetary Defence Force spokesman Murgo Plonmpqvist had this to say regarding the breakout "In my day, we dint let our criminals escape from the military, oh no! Hanging for first offence led to a 0% recidivism rate. Damn recidivists, giving the PDF a bad name". In an attempt by Imperial codifiers to adequately process the breakout status and subsequent captures the escapees have been assigned the code-name Team 'A'.

The Kinnockian Periodical News

Editorial

By Semper Excreedius (acting editor)

Following what appears to be a total lack of newsworthy occurances in the entirety of Hive Primus and having such dedicated reporters working here at the Bullett, we have decided to publish in full a copy of the Kinnockian Periodical News. We would like to assure our loyal readers that, our news team has vowed to redouble our efforts in hunting down news, and this current issue is not just a copyright infringement that due to the relative distances between Necromunda and Scargill,  it is unlikely to result in legal action. We would also like to state that this issue was definitely not the panicked result of a junior editor finding a copy of the Kinnockian in a waste receptacle at the spaceport.

Slag Valley Bullett #18

Special Scargill Cleansing Souvenir Issue!

With the announcement of a large ill equipped and poorly led force of Orks invading the Scargill Sector, this issue of the Slag Valley Bullett is devoted to aiding the war effort for our brave Astra Militarum recruits killing the heathen xenos on our behalf.

Slag Valley Bullett #17

Rouboutte Gullimann Destroyed!

By Semper Excreedius (acting Editor)

Following it's attempted desecration and subsequent relocation Slag Valley Bullett #14 The Emperor's Thumb was once again the focus of a conflict, this time loyal guardsmen from the Krablokistan 47th and 420th Suhnnydayl Shithawks battled what at first seemed to be Ultramarines led by their famous Primarch. Despite seemingly attacking one of the Imperium's greatest heroes, the Astra Militarum followed their orders and defeated the Ultramarine force intent on capturing 'The Emperor's Thumb'. During the exchange what was at first believed to be Rouboute Gullimann was killed by sustained battlecannon fire. After the battle it was accertained that it was not Gullimann but a cybernetic replicant of the Primarch and by that reasoning the Ultramarines were renegades intent on theft. Commander Ursakar Creed who was leading the 420th stated "The foul copy of our glorious Primarch is decommissioned! Long live the 420th! Cadia stands! Go on ya good ting!".

The Cloud of smoke denotes a non human aspect of Gullimann.

Slag Valley Bullett #16

Two Separate Xenos Invasions Thwarted!

By Spatch Puberty

In what seemed like a conspiracy of xenos evil two alien forces attacked a garrison on sleepy backwater planet Killa La' Neck in the Cyavunnh system twice in the one lunar cycle! The Krablokistan 47th infantry regiment aided by the Krablokistan 27th motorised armour division defeated a force of Tau shortly before being assailed by Tyranids. Many guardsmen were severely injured during the first attack but in what is a customary show of grit and endurance, the entire force managed to make it back into the field as soon as the second xenos force arrived. Thankfully, the Imperium's not-quite-finest won the day putting many alien life forms into a more passive state.

The brave soldiers of The Krablokistan 47th regiment battle foul xenos.

Slag Valley Bullett #15

Custody Battle 

Written By Cuckold Stranglethorpe IV

A small criminal processing tower was the scene of a bloody skirmish as xenos, aided and abetted by heretics attempted to free a  human member of The Greater Profit - alien 'traders' who have been thwarting the governance of this sector recently. Members of Jenna's Jokers, a local Inquisition Cell who never seem to be out of the news of late were guarding a prisoner when stealthy xenos scum attacked them from close range injuring three of them very quickly. The timely arrival of the rest of the Jokers prevented unspeakable alien rituals being carried out on the fallen heroes and managed to inflict damage on the attackers. The aliens managed to free their traitorous companion but were forced to flee due to the resolve of Interrogator Pursuivant's warband. 

Sadly the security camera skulls were set to 'blurry aged sepia tones', making identification of these xenos loving heretics virtually impossible.

Slag Valley Bullett #14

Vandals Expurged!

By Aurelia Charga

A group of anarchists, heretics or disgruntled imperial employees had to be restrained from vandalising 'The Emperor's Thumb', a semi popular object d'art situated by the civic centre in Fornication Gulch. Interrogator Jenna Pursuivant and members of Jenna's Jokers were at hand to stop the miscreants. Approximately 10 humans advanced towards the piece armed with guns and rudimentary defaecation devices. The Jokers, ever champions of the people engaged them using extreme prejudice. It is rumored that Spaz, a member of the Joker's died in the skirmish and several of the vandals were injured. Interrogator Pursuivant was not available to confirm or deny the fate of Spaz, as the warband had pressing business further uphive. Local walkway attendant, Gluesome Feng stated; "Some cackling maniacs capered towards the Thumb and before you know it them Jokers start blasting away at them. We get a lot of nutters round here since they put it up. It's the Adeptus Sanitorum lads I feel sorry for. They have to clean up the blood and cack and whatnot!".  

Two members of Jenna's Jokers protecting public property.