Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Slag Valley Bullett #1

Under New Management

Following widespread rumours of corruption and dishonesty, the Slag Valley Star has gone into liquidation. It was reputed to be blatantly pro House Van Saar to the detriment of all other Houses on Hive Primus. Thankfully following the outlawing of the infamous Psi Judges- a terrible band of reprobates who used the Slag Valley Star as a means of maintaining a fa├žade of legality- their printing press and seditious rumor-mongering is no more. We at Snake Press vow to deliver the news without bias or prejudice.


The relative peace of Fornication Gulch was shattered recently when two gangs of hoodlums met out in the wastes with deadly results. Sources reveal that The Warcraft Warriors - a recently formed Goliath gang met a similarly newly formed group of Orlocks calling themselves The Sump Scum. Reports are sketchy but it is believed the Warcraft Warriors superior firepower all but annihilated the unfortunate Orlocks. The Sump Scum haven’t been seen since the fight but the Goliath gang seem to be spending a lot of time over Mug Spitfull’s Drinking and Gambling Boutique.

Creepy Crawlies

Local wildlife expert and prospector Gubble Hantz has warned authorities that there are increasing numbers of under hive vermin and mutants in the locale. Hantz recounted a recent incident that occurred whilst in the vicinity of Choker’s Dome. “ I was digging in the slag looking for some Ferrum or Aradinium when I gets jumped by two muties with clubs an’ such. One ‘ad big teef an’ another ‘ead on top of ‘is ‘ead, the other seemed to be all made up out of claws an’ elbows. Luckily I popped a few rounds into ‘em wit me ScumSlayer 3000 before they could get me in their pot.’ . Gubble adds “I was gonna take their pelts for the bounty when I saw another half dozen creepin’ towards me. I ran fer it an’ nearly fell into a sludge pond, it were full of stinkin’ sludge jellies an one stung me ‘ere” Mr Hantz then proceeds to show this reporter his horribly stung rear end- and it is not a pretty sight! “ That place is full of ‘em and it’s getting’ worse!”. Ominous words indeed.

Imperial Embarrassment!

A Planetary Defence Force patrol was attacked and valuable equipment was stolen by unknown assailants out near Golgan’s Pit last week. It is thought up to thirty PDF troops were involved in a skirmish against a sizeable force of scavvys and masked attackers thought to be anarchists or cultists. It is also reported that several mutants were present. The patrol were actually retrieving valuable documents from a broken down sump floater and were ambushed by criminals. It is unclear what was on the transport at this time but it is thought to be of great value, if the criminals are willing to suffer the wrath of a large military investigation.
             Known fugitive and mass murderer Idolatror Jobes is rumoured to once more be active in this area. A reward of 250 guilder credits has been offered to anyone bringing him in, with double that if Guilder Kloss Stunkole’s cherished masseuse and bodyguard Felintiare Musshad can be returned.

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