Thursday, September 22, 2016

Slag Valley Bullett #10

Skirmish Out In The Badlands

By Crippet Toe
An image obtained from Gil Spooge
A vicious gun battle took place out in the badlands, which in itself a common occurrence but rumors suggest that one group of were multi-armed mutant monstrosities or worse! The fact that these creatures had the misfortune to happen on a party of experienced mercenaries was a blessing from The Emperor. Upon further investigation, the mercenaries were identified as a company called The Robbers Militant. Amateur photographer Gil Spooge was out looking for interesting subjects in the badlands when he came upon a group of armed men. Before he could get away from them they opened fire on some other heavily disfigured humans approaching in the other direction. Spooge stated 'The mercs took up good firing positions whilst the freaks approached them'. 'A lot of bullets were flying so I kept my head down, managed to get a couple of good pics, 3 Throne Geld each?'. Close examination of the pictures show that many of the mutants had more than one arm and/or savage claws. Spooge also claimed that he had a pictured of an alien lifeform but after consulting with the Bullett's resident Xenos expert - Semper Excreedius - it is believed to be a clever forgery.

+++Tolerance is the vanity of the weak+++

Astropath Found In Embarrassing Circumstances

By Buxtone Crebstalker
Using dolls, staff members recreate
Drool and Slapp's possible actions.
Imperial Astropath Shilum Drool has been found safe and well in the 'chastisement' section of The Broken Promise, a well known den of iniquity run by lapsed Redemptionist Marthax Slapp. He had previously been reported as missing (Slag Valley Bullet #8). Slapp stated that Drool was held at The Promise until arrangements were made to settle his substancial 'entertainment' bill. Shilum Drool however stated he was being held against his will and was unable to contact other members of Astra Telepathica due to the large amounts of debilerants he was forced to take. Members of the Ecclesiarchy have announced an enquiry. "It is unclear at the moment whether Drool is the victim or the architect of this scandal" a spokeman for Adeptus Astra Telepathica has stated. "But a full and vigorous investigation will be held".

+++Insidious are the wiles of the sinful+++

Slag Valley Bullett #21

Caryatid Assassin 'On Loose'. Reports are coming in of an unaffiliated Caryatid in the Lower Skunkton hab ar...