Slag Valley Bullett #15

Custody Battle 

Written By Cuckold Stranglethorpe IV

A small criminal processing tower was the scene of a bloody skirmish as xenos, aided and abetted by heretics attempted to free a  human member of The Greater Profit - alien 'traders' who have been thwarting the governance of this sector recently. Members of Jenna's Jokers, a local Inquisition Cell who never seem to be out of the news of late were guarding a prisoner when stealthy xenos scum attacked them from close range injuring three of them very quickly. The timely arrival of the rest of the Jokers prevented unspeakable alien rituals being carried out on the fallen heroes and managed to inflict damage on the attackers. The aliens managed to free their traitorous companion but were forced to flee due to the resolve of Interrogator Pursuivant's warband. 

Sadly the security camera skulls were set to 'blurry aged sepia tones', making identification of these xenos loving heretics virtually impossible.

Slag Valley Bullett #14

Vandals Expurged!

By Aurelia Charga

A group of anarchists, heretics or disgruntled imperial employees had to be restrained from vandalising 'The Emperor's Thumb', a semi popular object d'art situated by the civic centre in Fornication Gulch. Interrogator Jenna Pursuivant and members of Jenna's Jokers were at hand to stop the miscreants. Approximately 10 humans advanced towards the piece armed with guns and rudimentary defaecation devices. The Jokers, ever champions of the people engaged them using extreme prejudice. It is rumored that Spaz, a member of the Joker's died in the skirmish and several of the vandals were injured. Interrogator Pursuivant was not available to confirm or deny the fate of Spaz, as the warband had pressing business further uphive. Local walkway attendant, Gluesome Feng stated; "Some cackling maniacs capered towards the Thumb and before you know it them Jokers start blasting away at them. We get a lot of nutters round here since they put it up. It's the Adeptus Sanitorum lads I feel sorry for. They have to clean up the blood and cack and whatnot!".  

Two members of Jenna's Jokers protecting public property.

Slag Valley Bullett #11

Rogue Trader Attacked!

By Aurelia Charga

Once again, honest Imperial servants have been attacked by Xenos. This time it was the crew of the Fólkvangr, a Rogue Trader vessel  Their assailants were of alien origin but it remains vague who they were. The attack occurred in a remote auto loading bay while Fólkvangr was refuelling. Luckily the crew were on hostile environment drill (a common occurrence on Necromundan facilities) and we're prepared for unwanted incursions. It is believed the attack was opportunistic in nature and not premeditated. Cornelia Drachmann, captain of the Fólkvangr said "we were set upon by filthy xenon scum, shooting at us with abandon! It is my belief they were Genestealer in origin. One of them got in amongst us and took down two of my crew. Luckily we mobbed the beast and left it lying in a pool of its own ichor!". Drachmann went on to state "we were coming under heavy fire so we retreated to the ship". An Adeptus Sanitorum crew swept the area but found no evidence of the aliens. Interrogator Jenna Pursuivant who had only returned from a mission in the lower hive went on record to state she believed her mission was a distraction. The true motives of the aliens remain a disturbing puzzle. One thing is for certain, there are Imperium hating alien scum loose somewhere in Hive Primus and all citizens are advised to use extreme prejudice when dealing with non humans.

++Shoot First and let the Xenos be afraid+++

Slag Valley Bullett #9

Editorial

Staff here at The Slag Valley Bullett have been informed that the newsslate in it's current format is to be expurged.  In an attempt to create a new more vibrant readership a new strategic plan is being forged by attracting more readers by publishing articles from other periodicals from Gholam Jhites media empire. Newer more vibrant advertisers are also being sought out. The management team here at Slag Valley vow that the quality of our reporting will remain high and that we will not be printing salacious articles for the titillation of the masses. In further news here at SVB are delighted to have purchased a motivation servitor to add a little of the Emperors wisdom to our articles. Welcome to MS56784/877#Q, long may he enthuse!

Yours Sincerely

Buxtone Crebstalker, Editor. 

Mutants Run Amok!

Syndicated by The Wheatmaker's News, Argle City, Nora

Written by Sput Tramsig

An image of the alarming mutant.

The good people of the village of Twowagons were treated to an awful ruckus when approximately 30 armed ruffians chose to enter into a shoot out amongst themselves shortly after dawn last week. A large number of mutants and abhumans were confronted by humans wearing garb that did not look like it was from the local area. All three groups were indiscriminate in their firing and Widow Glass had two slates damaged and a startled Oxrat. Goodwife Lilitha managed to photograph one of the mutants who seemed to be heavily mutated. "I do hope they don't come back to ravish us against our will!" she remarked. It is believed that there were two fatalities during the skirmish. No inhabitants of Twowagons were injured.  There has been a sharp increase in reported nightmares from women the the settlement and also male ED. An Ecclisiarchy investigation delegation has been dispatched.

+++++Martyrdom is it's own reward++++

Slag Valley Bullett #8

Inquisitorial Intervention!

By Ludley Stange

Image from authorised Servo Skull BNQ6694

Agents working for Inquisitor Skultis Droxxler was involved in a gunfight with as yet unknown assailants out in the badlands last week. A source close to the group has stated that Interrogator Jenna Persuivant's band were following a lead when another group thought to be criminals or void pirates attacked them. The Emperor's will was done as Chubbs a new recruit for the band retreived the dataslate whilst other members of the warband provided support. When the dust had settled the other group were beaten off leaving a dead abhuman in their wake and captured xenos. The xenos in question is now 'helping them with their inquiries' in a secure location uphive. A spokesperson for Jenna has stressed that consorting with aliens carry severe dangers not least of which is an inquisitorial audit. The search is now on to find the whereabouts of a large group of undocumented abhumans.