Slag Valley Bullett #15

Custody Battle 

Written By Cuckold Stranglethorpe IV

A small criminal processing tower was the scene of a bloody skirmish as xenos, aided and abetted by heretics attempted to free a  human member of The Greater Profit - alien 'traders' who have been thwarting the governance of this sector recently. Members of Jenna's Jokers, a local Inquisition Cell who never seem to be out of the news of late were guarding a prisoner when stealthy xenos scum attacked them from close range injuring three of them very quickly. The timely arrival of the rest of the Jokers prevented unspeakable alien rituals being carried out on the fallen heroes and managed to inflict damage on the attackers. The aliens managed to free their traitorous companion but were forced to flee due to the resolve of Interrogator Pursuivant's warband. 

Sadly the security camera skulls were set to 'blurry aged sepia tones', making identification of these xenos loving heretics virtually impossible.

Slag Valley Bullett #13

Rebellion On Trotskigrad Quelled

By Pastor Pyranium Devout

The righteous population on the Imperial planet of Trotskigrad showed their devotion and loyalty when seditious rebels declared the planet separate from the Imperium and the Ecclesiarchy. The attempted coup was initially successful when the rebels (aided by off world military forces - possibly renegade Astartes) took control of the Imperial Governors palace, executing him and thousands of his staff and household troops. The now leaderless defence forces were facing annihilation but for the mobilization of some of the mining militia from the Diamondfields area to the south of the planet's capital Guevarraville. Aided by workers collectives and labour unions from the surrounding area many thousands of untrained but brave citizens took on the invaders.A savage pitched battle was fought with the fate of the planet at stake. Eventually the grit and bravery and the Emperor's blessing defeated the perfidious enemies of mankind. Hundreds were slain in the central plaza area of Guevarraville. The militia managed to commandeer a squadron of Leman Russ tanks to aid them against the rebels. It is believed that the off world allies contained huge dreadnaughtia and heavily armoured troops. Sadly the defeat of the rebels led to the destruction of most of what remained of the Planetary Defense Force. The loss of life around the plaza was severe but the rebels are believed to be wiped out and the handful of surviving renegades fled from Trotskigrad.

Slag Valley Bullett #11

Rogue Trader Attacked!

By Aurelia Charga

Once again, honest Imperial servants have been attacked by Xenos. This time it was the crew of the Fólkvangr, a Rogue Trader vessel  Their assailants were of alien origin but it remains vague who they were. The attack occurred in a remote auto loading bay while Fólkvangr was refuelling. Luckily the crew were on hostile environment drill (a common occurrence on Necromundan facilities) and we're prepared for unwanted incursions. It is believed the attack was opportunistic in nature and not premeditated. Cornelia Drachmann, captain of the Fólkvangr said "we were set upon by filthy xenon scum, shooting at us with abandon! It is my belief they were Genestealer in origin. One of them got in amongst us and took down two of my crew. Luckily we mobbed the beast and left it lying in a pool of its own ichor!". Drachmann went on to state "we were coming under heavy fire so we retreated to the ship". An Adeptus Sanitorum crew swept the area but found no evidence of the aliens. Interrogator Jenna Pursuivant who had only returned from a mission in the lower hive went on record to state she believed her mission was a distraction. The true motives of the aliens remain a disturbing puzzle. One thing is for certain, there are Imperium hating alien scum loose somewhere in Hive Primus and all citizens are advised to use extreme prejudice when dealing with non humans.

++Shoot First and let the Xenos be afraid+++

Slag Valley Bullett #10

Skirmish Out In The Badlands

By Crippet Toe

An image obtained from Gil Spooge

A vicious gun battle took place out in the badlands, which in itself a common occurrence but rumors suggest that one group of were multi-armed mutant monstrosities or worse! The fact that these creatures had the misfortune to happen on a party of experienced mercenaries was a blessing from The Emperor. Upon further investigation, the mercenaries were identified as a company called The Robbers Militant. Amateur photographer Gil Spooge was out looking for interesting subjects in the badlands when he came upon a group of armed men. Before he could get away from them they opened fire on some other heavily disfigured humans approaching in the other direction. Spooge stated 'The mercs took up good firing positions whilst the freaks approached them'. 'A lot of bullets were flying so I kept my head down, managed to get a couple of good pics, 3 Throne Geld each?'. Close examination of the pictures show that many of the mutants had more than one arm and/or savage claws. Spooge also claimed that he had a pictured of an alien lifeform but after consulting with the Bullett's resident Xenos expert - Semper Excreedius - it is believed to be a clever forgery.

+++Tolerance is the vanity of the weak+++

Astropath Found In Embarrassing Circumstances

By Buxtone Crebstalker

Using dolls, staff members recreate
Drool and Slapp's possible actions.

Imperial Astropath Shilum Drool has been found safe and well in the 'chastisement' section of The Broken Promise, a well known den of iniquity run by lapsed Redemptionist Marthax Slapp. He had previously been reported as missing (Slag Valley Bullet #8). Slapp stated that Drool was held at The Promise until arrangements were made to settle his substancial 'entertainment' bill. Shilum Drool however stated he was being held against his will and was unable to contact other members of Astra Telepathica due to the large amounts of debilerants he was forced to take. Members of the Ecclesiarchy have announced an enquiry. "It is unclear at the moment whether Drool is the victim or the architect of this scandal" a spokeman for Adeptus Astra Telepathica has stated. "But a full and vigorous investigation will be held".

+++Insidious are the wiles of the sinful+++

Slag Valley Bullett #8

Inquisitorial Intervention!

By Ludley Stange

Image from authorised Servo Skull BNQ6694

Agents working for Inquisitor Skultis Droxxler was involved in a gunfight with as yet unknown assailants out in the badlands last week. A source close to the group has stated that Interrogator Jenna Persuivant's band were following a lead when another group thought to be criminals or void pirates attacked them. The Emperor's will was done as Chubbs a new recruit for the band retreived the dataslate whilst other members of the warband provided support. When the dust had settled the other group were beaten off leaving a dead abhuman in their wake and captured xenos. The xenos in question is now 'helping them with their inquiries' in a secure location uphive. A spokesperson for Jenna has stressed that consorting with aliens carry severe dangers not least of which is an inquisitorial audit. The search is now on to find the whereabouts of a large group of undocumented abhumans.

Slag Valley Bullett #7

Adeptus Propagandaria Quarterly

By Aurelis Charga

Jolamn Ghites media mogul and entrepreneur has announced that his military journal is joining in a syndication contract with some of the most popular publications from several independent journalist periodicals and we at Slag Valley Bullett are pleased to announce we have been shortlisted for consideration. Providing there are no legal issues, the Slag Valley Bullett will be available to other hives and beyond!    

Slag Valley Bullett #6

Recruitment Drive

By Pastor Pyranium Devout 

Leaked requisition documentaria have surfaced that state that Lord Helmawr has been given the task of raising a regiment from Hive Primus to aid in the passification of several newly discovered habitable systems in the region near the Glock System where the Necromundan 819th regiment are stationed (Slag Valley Bullett issue #2). This honour will mean that many of our hives brave young individuals will soon be donning the raiment of Imperial Guardsmen and fighting filthy xenos scum and mutants in the name of the Emperor of Mankind. The office recruitorium has requisitioned Cunkey Stabler's large home over in the Drydocks area of Fornication Gulch. Those wishing to do their Imperial duty can join up there. Heretics and mutants need not apply.

Training Patrol Ambushed!

By Aurelis Charga

A small group of PDF reservists were attacked leaving a single survivor. The group were performing a live ammunition urban pacification drill when they were set upon by unknown assailants in the Killa Lanneck settlement. Technologically advanced equipment was used to obscure the ambushers until it was too late for the brave volunteers to escape. Patrol leader (and lone survivor) Grigiree Sneck has been overheard saying that inferior weaponry made locating and targeting the enemy virtually impossible. When I approached a spokesman for the reservists to obtain an interview with Mr Sneck I was told he is on administrative leave and is unavailable for comment.

Slag Valley Bullet #5

Gamma Corp Manufactorium Raid

By Cucold Stranglethorpe IV

Three Gamma Corp security patrols have attacked by unknown assailants recently uphive. On seperate occasions Gamma Corp operatives were attacked and killed around their Developmentorum complex. It is believed that the assailants were attempting to enter the complex for reasons unknown. News of the attacks have led to fears of a trade war starting amongst the various noble houses which can only bode ill for the lower denizens of the hive. An even more worrying rumour has implicated Gamma Corp with using dangerous chemical and biological weapons. a spokesman for Gamma Corp has strenuously denied the rumour.

Stabler Empire Collapses

By Bespoke Kitchens

Cunkey Stabler wealthy Guilder Wildsnake magnate has been impeached by members of the Guild due to the suspicious death of Boglund Vesh his main rival for the lucrative Ossification Valley settlement and the 7 drinking holes situated therein, including Madame Fung's Drink-Til-You-Pukerie, made famous by the Guchapole Gang Massacre. An attempt to apprehend Stabler was unsuccessful as several members of the watchmen were killed during his escape.

Cunkey Stabler

Slag Valley Lottery Announced

By Ludley Stange

Shcubert Vile proprietor of Vile Foodstuff's has announced that the Slag Valley Lottery will go ahead. The idea was first mooted at a civic council meeting which unfortunately broke down in chaos after representatives from House Cawdor disrupted the meeting and three members of the Slag Valley Chamber of Commerce were injured. It is thought that the revenue generated will be put to use in purchasing a maintenance servitor to solve various janitorial issues following the disappearance of a large number of Adeptus Sanitorium workers after a social club outing to Viagra Falls.

Slag Valley Bullett #4

Redemptionists Targeted!

By Ricco Chunk

The Redemptionist group known as The Human Torches twice found themselves on the wrong side of concerned religious equality groups recently, both times resulting in violence.  The Clobs made their feelings known after waiting to discus the merits of religious diversity, which quickly deteriorated into a gun battle where The Clobs were victorious. Several members of each group were injured, but none were thought to be life threatening. 

Later on that week The Sons of Slagarchy were also involved in an altercation with the Torches as they made their way to the newly refurbished gallows in the centre of Scourgefields, which resulted in the deaths of two members of the Goliath gang. Headcrusher, the spokesman & leader of the Sons has been quoted saying "Every time I go near them bastards, I lose good men! Slasher & Flailer are now rat bait all because someone's gob couldn't keep shut long enough to spring our trap." he then went on to state that "If I find out which sump brained moron started singing to alert them Torches,......it was Reginald. Crap.".

Security Cam Footage

"It is unlikely that there will be any Guilder sanctions on either gang as Redemptionists are by & large a menace to honest hive folk. If anything, we should give them medals!" Pukkle Manx, bookman for guilder Kloss Stunkole was overheard stating yesterday.

Slag Valley Bullett #3

Pyromania in the Badlands!

A fiery skirmish marked the end of a recent bout of civility around Slag Valley. The Sons of Slagarchy- a local settlement improvement group were set upon by Redemptionists. The Sons were 'performing a public service' by 'clearing up some litter' when they were attacked. Several members of the Sons have been observed with multiple burns. Headcrusher, leader of the Sons has been quoted as saying 'Fragdamned religious weirdos! Two of my lads bit the sump. We're not going to stand for this!'. No one was available from the Redemptionists for comment. 

In a separate incident the same group of Outlanders are thought to have fought a vicious fight with local 'neighborhood watch' group The Clobs. The Redemptionists were fought off without major casualties sustained by the Delaques. Local town historian Mistaltow Flunk has warned residents; 'It's just like when The Church of The Cleansing Flame set up round here a few years back. Burning people at the drop of a hat. I hope someone gives them their marching orders!'.

By Ricco Chunk

Slag Valley Bullett #2

Filthy Man-eaters

The idyllic peace around Slag Valley was once more interrupted by a large scale incursion of a scavvy clan led by the scrofuletic Tomb Dog. A neighbourhood watch group of Delaques called The Clobs were attacked whilst they went about their law abiding business. Witness reports claimed that there were a good number of scavvys including several mutants. It is thought the scavvy gang was intent on plundering the Clobs stash of finely wrought antique gates & cooking receptacles. After an intense firefight the Delaque group drove off the mutated miscreants, only to find out that in the confusion two members of the group were taken captive and spirited away. A posse of concerned citizens have been formed to rescue the two unfortunates. If you would like to volunteer, contact Burg Mersell at the Twisted Prospector drinking establishment.

Slag Valley Bullett #1

Under New Management

Following widespread rumours of corruption and dishonesty, the Slag Valley Star has gone into liquidation. It was reputed to be blatantly pro House Van Saar to the detriment of all other Houses on Hive Primus. Thankfully following the outlawing of the infamous Psi Judges- a terrible band of reprobates who used the Slag Valley Star as a means of maintaining a façade of legality- their printing press and seditious rumor-mongering is no more. We at Snake Press vow to deliver the news without bias or prejudice.

Bloodbath!

The relative peace of Fornication Gulch was shattered recently when two gangs of hoodlums met out in the wastes with deadly results. Sources reveal that The Warcraft Warriors - a recently formed Goliath gang met a similarly newly formed group of Orlocks calling themselves The Sump Scum. Reports are sketchy but it is believed the Warcraft Warriors superior firepower all but annihilated the unfortunate Orlocks. The Sump Scum haven’t been seen since the fight but the Goliath gang seem to be spending a lot of time over Mug Spitfull’s Drinking and Gambling Boutique.

Slag Valley Star #2



Slag Valley Star #2

Psi Judges Guilty!

In Late breaking news this week, it has been revealed that the investigation into the Psi Judges activities has been a phenomenal success.

The evidence against the Judges was inally discovered at the end of a gruelling covert surveillance operarion. The Psi Judges, beleiving themselves to be unobserved, were filmed attacking a Gamma Corp fortified warehouse. the guards of the warehouse, a Goliath gang called Slagsters, fought bravely but were ultimately forced to withdraw due to superior firepower brought against them.

Due to a tip-off from the surveillance team Gamma Corp was able to remove valuable supplies before the gang attacked and th Van Saars were forced to leave empty handed. Gamma Corp has levied fines against the Psi Judges to the tune of 290cr. Until such time as these fines are paid a bounty has been placed  on the heads of all members of the Judges. The  filmed evidence also showed a witch participating in the battle. It is rumored that an imperial witch hunting team will be active in the ares until this witch is burnt!

Slag Valley Bullett Introduction.

Well this blog is all about the various goings on in Slag Valley, the area of Hive Primus that I play out in necromunda games. Many years ago my gaming group used to publish a newsletter detailing the various goings on around Slag Valley and Fornication Gulch. So this is the intro, next post will be the first Issues of the Slag Valley Star (it changed its name following a scandal involving corruption within the paper) and then the more impartial Slag Valley Bullett. At the end of some articles any subject in square brackets [like these] denote actual campaign events that ran until the next arbitrator event.

Watch this space.....