Soylent Mauve PDF Crew Of The Lunar Cycle Award
During a recent preliminary round of the Soylent Mauve PDF Crew Of The Lunar Cycle Award - a largely unadvertised and, in the eyes of the Administratum - unimportant competition, a visiting crew from Krieg have won a posthumous award for the endurance section. For those unaware, Soylent Mauve - Hive Primus' favourite corpse startch substitute - conduct a competition featuring visiting PDF squads as a morale building exercise and a way of honoring our planetary defenders who were just not quite good enough to invade hostile planets and defend us there. The Krieg squad in question were given the simple task of enduring mild radiation exposure without rations in a part of the underhive known as Sludge Burn. The squad endured a total of 34 Terran days without complaint long after all other competitors had quit. When an official checked to see whether the squad had 'slacked off' he was amazed to see they had all elected to expire to attantion rather than admit weakness. Soylent Mauve official Vux Winbatter declared they displayed great dedication and gumption to win the round so effectively. A memorial plaque is being installed on the Soylent Mauve head office wall and a promotional edition of Sotlent Mauve Powdered Krieg Bravery product has been announced.
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| A recent image of Krieg soldiery. The actual picture of the competitors was considered 'unsuitable' for this publication. |
Aarjas residents "sick of alien invaders!".
The residents of Necrovia, (which is incidentally twinned with Scourgefields) have formed a delegation to appeal to the Planetary governor of Aarjas to provide extra security as a spate of xenos fighting forces have chosen to use the settlement to settle disputes and cause mayhem without taking into consideration the inhabitants. For those who are unaware, Aarjas was the location of a largely unreported but vital theatre of war involving many factions and a beleagered Imperial contigent. Sob Malankini, spokesperson for the newly formed Necrovia Against Revisting Cultures or NARC said "It started about 5 Terran lunar cycles ago when some skinny xenos and blue fishy lads started fighting down on St Murdo The Unappreciated Street. There was an awful ruckus!". He went on to say "Since then there has been robots (or some such) beating up on the PDF, weird baldy looking blokes fighting Astartes, smelly green marines duking it out with some other marines with dirty images sculpted onto their armour, and just last week the metalmen came back to have a go at some beaky yokes. It's exhausting!". The main question this poses is why are so many alien invaders flocking to this settlement to combat each other? Is it to save money on domestic repair bills? Or are senior Aarjas officials providing tax incentives to invaders? Whatever the reason the inhabitants of Necrovia will continue to pay the price for this inexplicable alien behavior.
Know Your Enemy; Devil Cabbage
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| Devil's Cabbage on Eros III |
As a public service feature for this publication editor Semper Excreedius has created a new feature for public safety; Know Your Enemy. This week is Devil Cabbage. Some time in the Imperium's glorious past the planet of New Paradise was discovered. A vast arboreal world of endless plains filled with delicious plantlife and herds of docile mammals. One plant seemed to be dominant, called Sweetleaf, a green vegitable that grew swiftly and seemed to thrive in apparently barren areas. The Administratum (or whatever the name of the bureaucracy that governed such things back then) immediatly shipped hundreds of thousands of specimens to other planets to aid with the growing food shortages. Sadly, the mass exportation was premature and due dilligence was not adherred to. The main problem for Sweetleaf was it's reaction to alien soils and differing levels of nitrogen in the atmosphere. Once the tolerances of New Paradise were exceeded, Sweetleaf became an aggressive carnivorous plant. The central orifice of the plant reacted to create a rather powerful rudimentary jaw and the previously pliant sweetleaves became rigid fangs. Coupled with tendril like growths, Sweetleaf plants became a menace on dozens of Imperial planets. When encountered, it is advised to return the locale to a nitrogen level as close to New Paridise as possible, thus rendering the Sweetleaf docile.
New Adult Vidpic Controversy
New vidpic by eccentric director Salb Smurt has found himself in hot water as his new vidpic has caused an outcry by both racial purity, and mutant advocacy groups. The video in question is called "Mistress Xenoboblia's House of Horny Mutants". Both groups have held violent protests outside Jankle Ooomjsm's Videodrome, causing minor disruption and leading to seven recorded fatalities. In an attempt to get the vid through local censorship groups the advertising poster (see left) had been kept purposefully vague and instead of Horny, the word Horns was transposed to confound, in his words "small minded bigots". We are told the plot of the vid is two genetically pure juves attempt to get into Mistress Xenoboblia's establishment with a view to seeing the forbidden delights there. What follows is a comedy of errors as the juves attempt to sample the wares of the erotic business with hilarious results. Smurt himself has stated it is an allegory for today's society in the form of seeking temporal gratification for short lived pleasure at the expense of genetic observance. Vuck Simpuls spokesperson for the Slag Valley Society of Morality has gone on the record to say "It's a mucky movie about horny mutants and even hornier juves!". The controversy is bound to continue.
Soylent Mauve New Ad Campaign
Gorlak Zarrr, spokesman for Soylent Mauve has unveiled their latest product; Soylent Mauve, Liquid Soylent. It is believed to be a contender to take on Stinkfish Juice and Runny Corpse Starch in the underhive edible non solids market. Of particul note is the new trio of mascots for the product; Smirk, Bellow and Gripe who are sure to become household names in the near future. Critics have stated that the mascots are not genetically pure enough to be the face of their new ad campaign but Gorlak Zarrr has defended the move declaring that in the 41st millenium there should be a more inclusive society and it seems he is making a concerted effort to open up the mutant/abhuman market. This has caused quite a stir in the Scourgefields area and has led to a call for the boycotting/burning of Soylent Mauve products.
Classifieds
The newly formed Scourgefields Militant Evangelist Group (S.M.E.G.) are currently seeking new members who are tired of the desecent into depravity that is rife within the greater Slag Valley conurbation. Must bring their own cudgels. Contact Mole Vimschlagger, Brutalis Lane, Scourgefields.
Join the Soylent Mauve Endorsement Gang! S.M.E.G, is the new club where you can meet other Soylent Mauve enthusiasts for fun and mutual safety. Discounted products available. Send 10 throne geld to 12a Hump Street, Slag Valley for you membership pack. No refunds.
